rAi & Lyra
"It Was Just Better & Easier to Hide the Weird."
"I began having otherworldly experiences when I was just 6 years old and I would always talk to my parents about them, my dad the most. Spirits absolutely LOVED me and I was a pretty outspoken kid and would relay messages to complete strangers like it was the normal thing to do. I would always talk to dad about my grandmother visiting me after she passed or how the spirit at his job at the time kept messing with me and my brothers.
One time I had this entire philosophical conversation with my mom about Jesus Christ; what he looked like, what was his mission and my poor mom at the time was scrambling for those answers. I applaud her for keeping up. I distinctly remember her saying 'he's every color. He's everywhere and he loves everyone unconditionally.' and for some reason that was the winning ticket to shut me up, but I never forgot that statement.
'Love everyone unconditionally.'
That stuck with me the most.
I always had questions that were bigger than myself. I wanted to know how the universe worked from a very young age, because I knew for a fact there was another side, and I couldn't understand why I could see it, but everyone else couldn't.
I made people uncomfortable.
The older I got the more I realized that it was just better for me to hide the weird side of me. It was easier to just be 'normal.'
And like they always say, 'if you don't use it...you lose it.'
I lost myself from a very young age all because I wasn't accepted.
...I was never truly happy with that decision growing up and it showed...
THE FIGHT TO STAY ALIVE
I remember saying something needed to change. I had been at war with myself for way too long. I hated waking up everyday feeling as if I needed to fight to be alive. That if I was to ever see a day that I would have children and a family, that I didn't want them to feel as unwanted in this world as I did. I wanted my children to have a solid chance at life. To have some sort of identity and know themselves so that they wouldn't have to fight daily like their momma...I've been fighting to stay alive since I was 16 years old, I just never said anything because I 'wasn't allowed to have anything wrong with me.'I had been trying to stay within the box labeled "social norms" for so long that I was just absolutely miserable in my adult life; failed relationships, dead end jobs, no real connection with the world even though I was a 'social butterfly.' No, I was a great actor. My 'representative' was really good at making me seem well rounded, but really the entire time my depression was swallowing me.Invasive thoughts, no purpose...I was just miserable.My journey started as a mission to save my future from the generational curses and cycles my family carried, because in my mind it was already too late for me. I had no idea that this journey would actually save me from my own demons..."
...A BIRD SET FREE...
"In my late 20's I found myself in a stronger relationship with someone who really cared for me at the time. I would literally cry to that guy damn near daily about how I just couldn't function properly in the world we were in. He did his best to support me at the time, but I was literally suffocating and failing, and I wouldn't have ever known that or been able to pinpoint what was going on with myself if it wasn't for the shutdown and me losing my job. I found all of these wonderful internet tribes of women and just really gravitated towards their energy and knowledge on spirituality. It was almost as if my heart had been hit with a defibrillator. I suddenly had a pulse, and I could feel my blood coursing my veins; these women were THAT inspiring to me. The more I watched these women glow-up the more woke I became. And the best thing of all was that I was finally in a safe and secure place to actually vocalize these changes happening within me and I was heavily encouraged to stretch my wings and fly..."
Seeking Knowledge and a Violent Awakening
"So here I am studying, reading, meditating, washing and repeating. Trying to find MY history and lineage. I began following people who were on their journey and unfollowed them after I felt that our road had ended as far as knowledge went. Then I would find a new mentor or a new tribe of women and learn their ways and wash and repeat, and the more I did this the more I was becoming balanced and connected with my higher self because I was fine-tuning my path.
It really helped that the guy I was with at the time was mildly familiar with what I was going through. So he was just legit throwing gasoline on the fire. I was literally shedding my old conforming ways and old self and he was there with materials I needed and materials I didn't even know I needed. Journals, clothing that truly fitted and represented who I was as a person, crystals, and the one thing that really set this all in motion...My very first deck of oracle cards; that I named Crystal.
But the 'fun and games' of the journey was beginning to come to an end. It was no longer just about the esthetics or finding a proper identity for my future. The entire time I thought I was collecting the rainfall of knowledge and blessings in a barrel to water the garden I wanted to plant, but in reality I was watering my own garden within me and the seeds that were planted from the very beginning as a child still had good roots and began to grow again.
I started having all these spiritual memories from my childhood that I was suppressing and had locked away because it wasn't "normal." I would come across information and be like 'Wait, I've seen this before. Wait...I already know this.
'Regaining those memories really helped me focus on the smaller challenges placed in front of me at the time and navigate them accordingly. Every time I was able to accomplish one task a greater one was placed in front of me.
They were testing me.
I remember looking at my WHOLE birth chart for the first time ever and literally in black and white it said 'you're going to succeed the most doing humanitarian and spiritual work, but you're not going to take it seriously until your 30s.'...I had literally just turned 30 when my awakening occurred...And my awakening was VIOLENT.
I would hide and have regular breakdowns in the garage or in the bath behind his back because I didn't want him to worry.
I would just cry and cry, I felt like I was going insane.
I tried opening up to him once about it and his response wasn't kind. He even went as far as asking if I needed to be 'seen by a professional.'(Which by the way, if you ever come on here reading this, know that comment really pissed me off.)After that, I closed up to him. Yeah, he was providing me material support, but he wasn't there for me in the area I needed him the most. My emotional and mental. He was always 'unavailable' when it came to that with me.
After multiple failed attempts to get him to understand I needed him, it finally just dawned on me that this particular journey was only for me, and no one else was going to understand what I was going through. I needed to trust my higher self and do this on my own, and I did.
I took the awakening on all by myself, like MANY of us do."
...A Friend Within Me...
"One night I had gone to bed and unintentionally passed through the veil as I slept, and actually got to meet my higher self for the first time in all the months I was studying and meditating. It was so intense and vivid that I wasn't sure what to do except for get up, go back in the garage and cry. I messaged one of my mentors and told them what had happened and the vision I had and they were so proud and excited for me. They encouraged me to keep going, and eventually accepted me into their garden where I have a forever home now as one of their flowers.
The more I developed the more I was able to be with my higher self and see our goals. She was guiding me and I was beginning to know how to pick up the spiritual phone and call on her while meditating. One day she just came to me while I was doing the dishes and was like 'What up carnal me. I see the work you're doing and I'm proud of you. My name is Lyra by the way and since you're finally taking this seriously, we're now friends forever,' and I was just in shock like '...oh no. I've really gone crazy now.' But Lyra was solid within me; she wasn't going to let us fail."
Oh My Dear...But What If You Fly?
"I was scared shxtless. I could feel myself being pushed out into the world and I didn't want to be. I never had any intentions of becoming a healer and compass to the masses, but the universe gave me my credentials and was like: 'experience will be your teacher from here on out.' I had no one to really talk about taking the leap. I had outgrown my biggest support piece, him, and I felt like I had more to offer than my current tribes was understanding. It was time to take off the training wheels. It was time to go to the edge of the tree branch and test out the wings I had spent so much time strengthening. I took the leap and fell right to the ground. I didn't know what to do. Lyra was like 'look...we're out the nest now. We can either stay here on the ground and get eaten, and all of this will be for nothing. OR...you can start pumping those wings and fly.' So I fluttered on the ground for a bit and finally got the hang of it. I started to soar and it was the best feeling of my life.
And from the skies I was able to see so much.
...a beautiful world suffering from cardiac arrest...
Lyra asked what our mission was and for once in my life I had a genuine answer:
'...resuscitation...our mission is resuscitation...'"